I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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