I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
