what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
