I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I believe in your delicious
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
