it's like iHOP with fire
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
