You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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