You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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