I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
