Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
