why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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