Don't make out with my wife yet
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize