Im at strip club and am horny
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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