grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
