nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
vagina is talking i cant
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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