Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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