trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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