im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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