Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
