I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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