she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
