i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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