they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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