mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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