remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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