I wanna bring you to show and tell
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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