Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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