hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
