Porn is love you can see.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
