I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
