Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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