i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize