She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
