So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
