HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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