stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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