Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
