Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
