Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
