FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
