He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
