I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
