I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
