the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
