bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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