Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
