i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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