**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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