kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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