My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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