Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
