I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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