I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize