on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
