just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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