you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
