dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
