I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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