Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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