yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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