My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
