and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
