Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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