dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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