I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize