What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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