I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
