its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm really busy with my period
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