His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
