my being single is dangerous.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
