I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
