Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
