i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
