i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize