I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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