He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are the jesus of drinking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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