when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
