but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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