Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
