we have pet lesbian snakes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
