I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
