woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
