i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
