My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
