We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
