I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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