I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
