I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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