We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
