No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
