Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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