true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
