There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
