You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
