so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
