he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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