did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
